More Than One Mistake
by Ms. Mochi
Summary: In one way or another…I think it’s safe to say that Naruto’s life was screwed the very night he was born.


Diclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I own any OC within this fic though...

A parody of the night the Kyuubi attacked...or it may just be an AU fic. I don't know nor do I care. Many of the characters _'may'_ act entirly OUT OF CHARACTER, but really we don't know the true character of Minato or Kushina...or maybe I didn't pay attention to the manga. Uug. You don't need to complain.

Oh yeah...It's only rated M because of language and the bit o' violence. If you are looking for a lemon...sorry, go away.

--

It was hard to watch from a distance

It was hard for Minato to watch his people die, one by one, outside the hospital window. He tightened his fist as he watched the Kyuubi's large form dancing its way towards the village. The disgusting thing was dancing a sickening bebop, crushing his beloved people. He felt foolish staying inside when he could be outside helping his fellow Shinobi…but Kushina needed him…

He looked over to the closed door across from him.

…and his son.

"Sensei?"

He looked back to his gray-haired student.

"Yes, Kakashi?"

Kakashi broke the sudden eye-contact and turned to the floor beneath him, his hands clutching the sides of his pants.

"Sensei…Are you sure you-"

"We have already talked about this Kakashi," Minato sighed. "I know what I'm doing."

"No you don't!"

"Kakashi…"

Kakashi continued glaring at the floor; refusing to look back up at his sensei.

"There should be another way! It's…it's not fair."

His sensei snorted.

"If life was any fair the Kyuubi wouldn't be attacking."

"If life was fair…Obito would still be alive," Kakashi said wistfully. He turned to the window. "Along with my mother and father."

"Yeah…I wouldn't have this lousy job!" He gave a humorless smirk. "I'd still be single."

"…And you wouldn't have knocked up a foreigner."

"Yeah…"

"You guys aren't even married."

"Yeah…"

"That's terrible for someone of your caliber!"

"Yeah…"

"I heard your girlfriend doesn't even know what happened."

"…"

"Oh. Wait. Did I say _girlfriend_? Scratch that. I meant **FIANCEE**."

"…"

"Oh. There's also the fact that Uzumaki-san doesn't know about said fiancée."

"…"

"What would your mother think?"

"…"

"Are you listening?"

"…" His hands clutched his head as he murmured something along the lines as, _"I'm going to die."_

Kakashi gave an exasperated sigh, his sensei probably planned to die before either woman learned of each other. Jiraiya-sama should have the ability to keep his perverted mouth closed, Sarutobi-san was a little hopeless keeping and giving secrets. Kakashi knew he had to protect his sensei…to an extent.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

'_Minato-sensei…you big coward…' _

The sound of shuffling feet, crazed screaming and glass breaking made the two look at the door.

"Minato-sensei! Minato-sensei!" Rin slammed the door open. Out through the door came a few other frantic doctors and nurses wanting to get away from the Uzumaki's wraith.

"Uzumaki-san has give birth! Your son! Your son is born! Congradulations!" One doctor patted his shoulder. "Oh! Uzumaki-san requests that you see her. NOW."

The Yondaime Hokage grimaced, praying to any god or goddess out there that Uzumaki Kushina would be merciful.

"Good luck, sensei."

He shot a glare to Kakashi and a pleading look to Rin. They both shook their heads. Taking a deep breath he opened the door.

--

"There is no FUCKIN WAY I'm giving you MY SON, Namikaze!!"

"H-He's my son too!"

Bringing her sleeping little newborn, Naruto, closer to her, Kushina snarled at the spiky haired blonde.

"You are NOT taking him, Namikaze!"

"But the K-Kyuubi-"

"Fuck the 'K-Kyuubi'! Just do what the Sand did! Get some old teakettle-"

"I don't know how to seal it into a teakettle!"

"And whose fault may that be?"

Minato grimaced, wondering how he became attracted to this woman in the first place. He temporarily put the blame on Jiraiya.

"Uzumaki Kushina! As Yondaime Hokage I order you to-" He stopped as the baby opened his toothless mouth.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

"Now look what you did Nami-! There, there, Naru-chan. Momma's going to be here for you, while poppa gets his spiky ass outside," She cooed to her wailing baby. Surprisingly, his crying softened.

Minato stared somberly at his son. Naruto, the name they had decided after Kushina had read Jiraiya-sensei's draft for his new story…what was it called again? Never mind.

He felt a feeling of pride swelling up within his chest looking at the baby's face. Naruto. Blonde, blue-eyed Naruto. His son. _His_ son. He was now a father to a beaut-no…roguishly handsome baby! Just like him. He had hardly put any thought into becoming a father...except when mom reminded him of his engagement with-

A feeling of doom overlapped the fatherly pride.

"-oppa's gonna kick the big ol' Kyuubi's furry ass, then momma's gonna kick Poppa's ass for thinking about stealing Naru-chan from meeeeee!"

The little baby started to giggle as mommy affectionately rubbed her cheek against his own.

He hated the thought of using his own son as the container…but he knew he wouldn't use any other child. It was terrible choice to make.

**A**. Get murdered by a vengeful fiancée and a berserk mom.

**B**. Be killed in battle with the rest of Konoha by the Kyuubi.

**C**. Be killed by the Shiki Fuujin and spend the rest of eternity in the Shinigami's belly, fighting the Kyu… No. That wouldn't work, that wouldn't work **at all**.

**D**. Be killed by the Shiki Fuujin and spend the rest of eternity in the Shinigami's belly fighting, with the Kyuubi _trapped within Naruto's belly._

Minato stared at Kushina's and Naruto's smiling faces. He knew what to do.

"NOW KAWORU!"

"Minato! I told you to stop talking so loudly-"

CRUNCH! 

Kushina's head fell as she slumped deep into her bed. A large, gloved hand pulled away from her shoulder and onyx eyes trailed up to Minato's blue ones.

"Target is unconscious, Minato-sama."

The gray shinobi shozoku wearing young man took the now crying baby and held it by the leg; letting it swing upside down. He held it for Minato to take.

"Nice work Kaworu!" Giving the bulky man a 'good guy' smile, he patted his cloth covered head.

"Your thanks is appreciated, Minato-sama."

His smile faltered as he watched Naruto wiggle within the man's hold.

"That's not how you hold a baby, Kaworu."

"How do I hold it?" He said with inexpressively.

"_Him,_ not 'it'."

"Then, how do I hold _him_?"

"…"

"Minato-sama?"

"…Ah! Here! Put him in this bucket!"

"A bucket, sir?"

"Yes!"

"…Shouldn't we at least put something in the bucket to cushion him?"

"Now, would we want to do that?"

"…"

"The Kyuubi is destroying Konoha and will continue unless we do something, FAST!"

"…"

"We don't have the time to comfort the baby! Now, hurry!"

Minato jumped out of the nearby window and continued on towards the gigantic red mass. Kaworu quickly followed behind him, silently doubting his master's care for his son. Had the man even heard of the consequences of shaking a child?

--

"**Are you sure about this, Minato?"**

"Yes! Yes! Gamabunta! Please!? Do you know how many people have asked me that today!?"

"**Just making sure, kiddo." **

"Thank you."

Standing gallantly atop of the giant summon, Minato held the baby-wielding bucket closer to him. The Kyuubi paid no mind towards the toad or the blonde haired man. No, it was to busy playing tag with an unidentified ninja…with its teeth...and claws. Minato gulped as he saw its long tongue licked off dozens of corpses wedged in-between its jagged toes.

'_Damn, that looks painful!'_

"Minato-sama? Minato-sama? Are you well?" Kaworu asked as he tugged his flame decorated robes.

'_I should've listened to mom. I should've taken on the family business like she told me to!' _

"Minato-sama, the Kyuubi has taken notice of us."

'_Owning a Shinobi Life Insurance company sounds better than being Shinobi right now!'_

"Minato-sama, it's growling."

'_Becoming a Shinobi to impress the neighborhood girls! I'm such an idiot!'_

"Minato-sama, it's starting to move."

'_I have failed at life…just like good ol' dad.'_

"Forgive me," Kaworu kneeled behind him with his fingers together in a familiar fashion. "One Thousand Years of Death."

Minato's eyes widened as he felt an excruciating stabbing pain in-between his cheeks. Screaming bloody murder he almost dropped Kushi-oops…his son. He held the bucket with one hand as he placed the other on Gamabunta's flesh. He watched as the Kyuubi ran closer and closer.

It was time.

"Let's get wild." He said daringly.

Below, Gamabunta, remembering how serious the situation actually was, restrained himself from rolling his eyes. Kaworu shook his head as he watched the end of his master's robes fly up and wave dramatically.

--

"Ohhh...man, does my neck hurt," Kushina said to nobody in particular. She looked up to meet the eyes of female student of the Yondaime Hokage, Rin.

"Ah! You're finally awake, Uzumaki-san! You certainly worried us!"

Kushina blinked as her eyes trailed the white tiled room. A small number of elderly doctors and nurses came rushing in.

"U-Uzumaki-san! Are you alright?!"

She nodded in response. Her eyes widened in recollection.

"Naruto! Do you know where my baby is?" She looked under the covers and under her pillow. "Naruto! Naruto, where are you!?"

'_Oh, fuck.'_

The entire room and any other person who had heard her call felt a sudden veil of doom cover them. Many of the veteran nurses and doctors knew the terror of an angry woman; who are scarier when it came to their children.

"Well? Where is he?"

A stupid, at the same time brave, doctor decided to speak up.

"Wha-What baby?" A number of hands found their selves around the elderly doctor's neck.

"You idiot!"

"Asshole! You're gonna get us all killed!"

"Don't you remember what happened with Inuzuka-san and her son?!"

"We had to replace 3 of our best doctors after that!!"

"I-I didn't mean to!!"

Somehow, miraculously, their entire conversation was ignored by Kushina as she rested her head on her hand, thinking.

"Hmmmm…"

"U-Uzumaki-san? I-Is everything alright?" Kakashi had called out as he hid behind Rin.

"It all seems blurry…Rin, didn't I give birth to a baby just now?"

Rin paled as everyone's attention was on her. Her hands shook wildly behind her back. If she told the truth…her ass would be done for. If she lied…her ass would be saved.

"W-W-W-W-Well…"

"S-S-S-Stop stuttering, Rin. It's annoying."

"Ummm…" There was no point in lying now. She couldn't lie to her; she could only imagine how important the baby could be to Kushina. "...You see Uzuma-"

"You've been in a coma for 3 weeks now."

Everyone turned to Kakashi who was amazingly keeping a straight face…or it could've just been his mask…

"A coma?"

"Yes," He continued after coughing into his glove covered fist. "Remember the m-mission Sensei presented you from…SUNA! Yeah…Suna! Remember?" She shook her head.

"SEE!? SEE!? You don't remember a THING!! You've clearly been in a severe coma!" One elderly doctor yelled.

The sound of two eldery nurses 'High Five'ing each other was totally ignored.

"Severe? It couldn't have been severe," Another doctor said.

"She doesn't remember the mission she sent on those many weeks ago!! Clearly severe!"

"If it was severe, she would've woken up years from now or it would've progressed to PVS."

"No. It was severe! Most patients usually remember what happened before, even with little trouble!"

"Look, idiot, severe comas would either cause her to progress to the persistent vegetation state or she would be brain dead!!"

"No! YOU LOOK!! IT'S SEV-"

"Both of you, shut the FUCK UP!!"

Now the attention was on Kushina as she sat angrily on her bed. Uncrossing her arms she pointed to the small crowd.

"Now, explain to me why I'm bloated like a goddamn puffer fish?!"

There was a mind blowing silence in the room. The tension in the air was thicker than any mochi anyone had eaten.

"You see…U-Uzumaki-san…"

"IT WAS TH-THE INTERNS' FAULT!!"

"Interns?"

"Yeah!! The no good bastards broke the feeding tube!! All that unused nutrients and fat must've made there way to your stomach!!"

"Stomach? I thought fat usually went to a woman's thig-"

"The interns fucked up. Now, shut UP. PLEASE!"

"We don't have interns."

That was when everyone started to get pissed.

"Oh mah gawd!"

"For the love of-"

"Shut up, asshole!"

"Almost everyone within this hospital are medic nins an-"

The doctor's sentence was interrupted as four people, including Rin, threw the man out of the nearest window. Kushina watched with a deadpan expression as the man went soaring.

"…Okay, but, wasn't the Kyuubi attacking…or was that just a dream?"

--

A number of Shinobi watched as the massive red fox plunged to the forest below. They all gasped in awe as the body of the fox slowly turned to black dust floating in the air.

"Hurry! Cover your faces!"

"The Kyuubi may get into our lungs!!"

--

Sarutobi yawned tiredly as his carriage continued to move. Retirement was probably the best thing that ever happened to him since…well…maybe…never?

Returning to Konoha from Crescent Moon Island was heartbreaking. Being separated from the sandy beaches, the beautiful women, the golden sun, gourmet food, and the even more beautiful women was **terribly** heartbreaking. It had taken his wife and around a dozen of Elite Konoha Jounin, who also were 'conveniently' vacationing, 3 hours to 'convince' him to get inside the carriage. It was a dispute that he would never, but wish he would, forget…

The chains around his legs, torso and hands were dreadfully tight…

He lazily turned to the window, admiring the familiar forest around him. So close to the village, so close to being home… A pleasant smile found its way upon his face. He never lied when he said he loved this village of his. No matter how bad it may be…

He then lazily turned to the dozens of rotting corpses scattered across the ground.

"Not my problem!"

As long as he was retired and Namikaze was the current Hokage; the former Sandaime Hokage could, literally, care less.

He then lazily turned to the face of the large, red and quite dead Kyuubi. It's long tongue hanging out of its mouth in an unsightly manner. He watched as it then disintegrated into black cloud of dust.

"Not my problem at all."

The carriage continued on towards the village, passing through wreckage and destruction. Squirming within the layers and layers of chains, he leaned back. He exhaled air throughout his nostrils. He couldn't wait to sleep on his beloved bed and do nothing else afterwards.

'_Oh! Now, how do the young people today describe such grand things?' _He questioned_, 'Ah…they use the term 'BOSS'.' _

Retirement was _BOSS_.

It was a good thing that Namikaze was Hokage now. It would take something very powerful to bring that brat down. Very powerful indeed.

…

"That was the Kyuubi back there, wasn't it?" He asked himself.

The only way one could defeat such a demon was to seal it… Namikaze was the only one in the village besides Sarutobi who knew how to seal such a beast. Shiki Fuujin. After using the technique one would die-

Realization hit him.

"Ah shit."

This was so not BOSS.

--

"So…this is the container?" It wasn't an actual question; Sarutobi knew exactly what he was looking at. He was staring directly at Uzumaki and Namikaze's baby, Naruto.

Sarutobi stared somberly at the infant, who slept contently in the battered bucket, on his old desk. He hated his old desk…he hated the room he was currently in even more, the Hokage's office…

Whoever ruled up in heaven must've hated him.

'_Retirement was BOSS…' _He cried to himself._ 'BOSS!' _

"Hokage-sama!" Golly, did he hate that name. "What shall we do now with the container?" One elderly nin asked.

Sarutobi looked up to the man with a faux expression of angry; though, no one within the crowd of people inside his office could tell. Some were so intimated by his stare they cringed.

"You will address him as Naruto." He could, literally, care less what they would call the boy, but, as Hokage you had to make yourself look good as possible.

Just as the, now deceased, Yondaime Hokage did as he summoned Gamabunta when he approached the Kyuubi. Sarutobi knew that the man didn't have to summon the toad at all to get to the fox…just hop a few tree branches and you're staring at the Kyuubi face to face…er-fangs. It was all just to look awesome.

"What kind of name is 'Naruto'? Really. That's just stu-"

CLUNK 

A very, very sharp katana found itself pierced within the man's skull. The now very dead man slumped on the ground; leaving an unpleasant red puddle on the floor.

Kaworu ripped his katana out of the lifeless one's head and slide it quickly back into it's sheathe. He bowed low in apology to Sarutobi.

"Forgive me, Hokage-sama. I couldn't control myself."

"Y-Yes, all is forgiven, Kaworu-kun," Sarutobi shuddered as he watched Kaworu's eyes twitch ever so slightly. "Please sit down…and TRY to control yourself next time."

Kaworu nodded as he left to return to his place in the back of the room, he glared at anyone he thought could endanger his master's son's life…which was everyone, seeing how they were all ninja…

Sarutobi coughed into his hand, motioning a few low Chunin to remove the distasteful looking corpse. As they left, leaving an unsightly red puddle and a few unwanted stains behind them, Sarutobi continued on with the discussion.

"Let us get back to the point…We all know that this boy, Naruto, is the container of the fearsome Kyuubi; correct?" Many nodded. "Without this boy, Konoha would've been destroyed and left in ruin."

"As if it isn't already left in ruin…" A smart-mouth coughed.

The Hokage snapped his fingers.

Two vicious looking ANBU…wait, their wearing masks, so that would mean they wore vicious masks. Wait, that's wrong too. The masks don't have expressions that look at all vicious, their unexpressive. Hmm…we could say they were stoic…in a deadly way. Yes, stoic, in a deadly way.

Two stoic, in a deadly way, ANBU appeared, grabbing both sides of the man. Before Kaworu could impale the man with a few Kunai for being so disrespectful, the three 'poofed' out of the room.

"As I was SAYING before I was rudely interrupted; we should honor Naruto's sacrifice to the villa-"

One man, whom was seemingly drunk, stood up out of his seat and pointed at the sleeping baby…more like 'tried to point'.

"I shays we allllls shhhhould…hic…kill that therrre deeeemon brat...hic...!" After ending his sluggish statement he fell and hit the ground hard. His loud snores were ignored as many others started to talk out of turn.

"Yeah! We should kill it!"

"Yeah! Death to the demon spawn!"

"Yeah! Screw the sacrifice and noble deed it did for the village! Kill!"

"Yeah! Let's make a big riot and kill him without a thought towards the punishment and consequences of premeditated murder towards an infant!"

"Yeah! Let's kill it! That would be soooo _BOSS_!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's go for it!"

Sarutobi placed his hand over his face tiredly. Ignoring the bloody screams and sickening sounds Kaworu caused, he called over his secretary.

"After today's meeting ends…make sure whatever was said and done within this room stays an S-Class secret…"

"GHAHAH!! MY LEGS!! MAH LEGS!! YOU SNAPPED THEM HALF YOU BLOODY BASTARD!!"

"Your legs? Think of the pain and suffering Naruto-sama is enduring. He's probably having a hard time sleeping right now. Your yelling and crying won't help him…it won't help him at all."

CRUNCH 

Kaworu continued on neck snapping all who spoke out of turn.

"Better yet, could you bring me a bottle of warm sake, please?"

Uzumaki Kushina sat in the middle row thinking how it was a coincidentally that the boy's name was Naruto; the very name she wanted to call her child…in her dream. He looked just like the Yondaime Hokage too!

Rin and Kakashi were standing very, very close to the door as if wanting to get the first chance to escape from the room.

--

Kaworu never thought himself a man who wanted to bring death and bloodshed to anyone; in fact, he thought the total opposite. He wanted peace, harmony and tranquility all around him…which was sort of exaggerated seeing how peace, harmony and tranquility meant the same exact thing. Nevertheless, he was a respected nin.

Yet, when someone dared to threaten anyone within the Namikaze family, bastard or not, they would pay dearly.

Kaworu silently tapped the dusty wood inside the cabinet shelf he had hid in. Lying flat on his side he could easily fit within the bulky furniture. As long as Naruto-sama was safe he would risk being in an uncomfortably position for days! Elite ninja like Kaworu were bred to serve and protect the Namikaze family.

Just as any wealthy family would do; find powerful ninja to protect them from more anything endangering them. Rival families, envious businesses, robbers were everyday hazards when you were rich.

Kaworu didn't think so much of his master when he met him. A young boy he was and a younger boy Minato was. A spoiled, flirtatious momma's boy his master was. But, as the young Namikaze grew he decided to become a Shinobi, just as Kaworu was. Such a surprising day that was.

…It made his job even harder.

CREAK

Kaworu's eyes popped open as he heard light steps hit the hard floor.

_'An intruder! How dare they come into Naruto-sama's room while he is sleeping!?'_

The shelf shot out and the traditional garbed ninja threw himself across the room onto the opposite wall. His blade met that of a gleaming metal baby spoon. He glared at the elderly woman who held a can of apple sauce and stopped his blade. Infuriating old biddy…

"Who the hell do you think you are?! Can you not see Naruto-sama is resting?"

The old woman sighed tiredly.

"Kaworu-san…this is the third time today that you've attacked me…" Kaworu gasped before bowing again and again.

"M-Miyagi-san!! I didn't recognize you! Forgive me, I was-"

"I know, I know… 'I was thinking too strongly of Naruto-sama's safety I barely recognized you'…Ugh. He's awake now because of you…" The woman known as Miyagi opened the can and proceeded with feeding the child.

The ninja watched intently as the apple covered spoon made contact with his young master's mouth. He sighed tiredly as he heard the door swing opening revealing…Surprise, surprise! A drunk mob.

"HEYY!! There's the demonnnn chilllds…letz killll it!!"

Kaworu kicked the drunkards out of the room and carried on snapping necks.

_'Haven't these people heard of originality? This is the eighth time today!'_

--

As she stepped out of the hospital Kushina sighed with exhaustion. It was common knowledge she hated hospitals with a sweltering passion. She didn't understand how people couldn't get bored of being bored within the establishment. The white walls, the white floors, the ugly clothes they made you wear, the ugly clothes the doctors wore, and worse of all…their horrible food. Everything single thing within the building gave her a reason to extremely dislike the hospital. Her belly had shrinking back to its normal size after the past few days. Now she was physically ready to kick someone's ass…

"Why the hell did you hafta go and die on me, Namikaze?" She said as she glared at the sky, cursing Namikaze Minato's existence. "Now who the hell am I gonna abuse now?"

Though, she had heard of the mass murders going on nowadays. Maybe she could check that out and kick some ninja/civilian booty…?

She glanced over her shoulder as she saw a gray garbed ninja rip out an angsty looking young genin's heart out. Ignoring the bloodied screams, she noticed the bubbly blonde baby strapped to the ninja's back by a sky blue baby sling. Somehow she didn't notice it was the same baby she saw back in the meeting the Hokage had a few days ago.

"I don't care if the Kyuubi burnt your family and dog alive! You should thank me now that you're about to see them…in HELL!"

"Guurrrrkkk…!"

Again she ignored the violent noises, the baby was soooo kewt! She smiled brightly at the drooling baby, maybe one day she'd have one of her own!

"I can't wait to go back to the Whirlpool Country! Maybe I can start guy-hunting again!" She said to herself. Turning; she left the ninja, the angsty and dead genin, and the blonde baby.

Lil' Naruto started to cry.

--

Ah-ha! I finished it finally! If I feel like it, I may update soon…or just make this story a one shot. A lazy AU one shot…seeing how no one could ever figure out what happened to Kushina afterwards. Or what was up with the gray shinobi shozoku wearing Kaworu. Or why Minato cheated on his fiancée. Or why his momma and his family owned a Shinobi Life Insurance Company. Or the fact Naruto being the container of the Kyuubi was only known to only a few Shinobi…no civilians or other peoplessss…What will his surname going to be then, now that everyone is scared of his mother finding out that the son she had, in some weird dream while she was in a coma, was real? No, I won't have Kaworu teach Naruto any insanly powerful Jutsu...In fact, I think Kaworu won't be remebered by Naruto at all when he grows older.

I'm tired...Ug.

Oh yeah. Kushina isn't related to Tayuya...she just curses when necessary.


End file.
